"I think you may have a little bit of fibromyalgia", says the Doctor

Yesterday a good friend of mine told me over the phone how frustrated she is with my symptoms. She feels that I'm not getting any better and thinks I need anti depressants or something. She's worried about my children seeing me being sick all the time and I gather that she thinks that Fibromyalgia is more in my head than anywhere else.

She has a brother with Lupus, and his Lupus symptoms aren't that bad compared to some others, so I think maybe she figures that everyone is the same, especially since I was diagnosed with Lupus before the physician diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia instead. (By the way, I've since found out that often times Fibromyalgia is misdiagnosed as Lupus. They act very much the same, but Fibromyalgia is definitely the lesser of the two evils, so to speak.)

I certainly share my friend's concerns, and in addition to that, I'm tired of feeling like I must be some kind of hypochondriac.

I've been tested for so many things and all my tests come out in normal ranges, yet here I am with all these horrible, awful symptoms, and I feel like some kind of pin cushion because I've had so many needles and IVs fed into me it's not even funny.

At one point I was told by some psychotherapist that my symptoms were all psychosomatic, which means it's all in my head and they exist because I make them exist.

Beings I'm low income, I don't have a choice of having the best physicians around, I have to take what I can get because I'm on state medical assistance because of my extremely low income level. There is one clinic here where the Physican's Assistant following me was pretty attentive.

Whenever I'd have what I call an "episode" (I guess these are known as "flares") she'd draw blood. Each incident showed my white cell count was up. Just like Lupus!

That my white cell count increases with episodes, we know this isn't all in my head. HALLELUIA! Proof that I'm not feeling well! YAY! I'm NOT a hypochondriac after all!

But what is it?

I hear in medical circles that fibromyalgia is a "catch all phrase" doctors use when they don't know what's wrong with you.

I'm sorry, but I have something against grouping all "I don't know's" with Fibromyalgics. No wonder fibromyalgics don't get any respect! And no wonder it's so hard to define Fibromyalgia because so many people have so many symptoms, and I'm not so sure that all "fibromyalgics" are really suffering from Fibromyalgia.

To cut to the chase, my friend challenged me to "do the right thing" for myself - to get healthy, as if I can just kick Fibromyalgia's ass and walk away from it forever.

Oh, how I wish it were that easy! I'd have done that long ago.

So I began to do a little research as to what Fibromyalgia really is. Do I really have it? Maybe it's just something else and I'm one of the people who is said to have it because the physicians don't know what it is?

Well, no, I really have it. I was diagnosed by a very good physician who specializes in this field. In fact, the referring clinic wanted a formal diagnosis of Lupus or Chronic Fatigue, because before saying I have Lupus they said I had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

This physician has the bedside manner of a rabid dog, but he's very competent - he knows his stuff, I'll say that. We were discussing the difference between Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Lupus, and he said, "You know, some people don't believe in chronic fatigue." Without thinking, I shot back, "Well, some people don't have to live with it."

He looked at me with this look - and he didn't say a word. Maybe he was thinking about that. Or maybe no one else had the guts to tell him this, I don't know. But I went on to explain that I don't believe that chronic fatigue happens for no reason. It exists and there's a reason for it. That medical science hasn't figured it out yet doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

Later I was talking with a friend of mine who also has Fibromyalgia, and she told me she'd been to this doctor. She says to me, "Dr. ----- doesn't believe in Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, did you know that?"

Well, gee, I guess that explains his remark, then!

In the doctor's office, the specialist had me sitting on the exam table and he started pressing on all these little areas in different places on my body. "Does this hurt? Does it hurt here? How about here?"

I wanted to turn around and slug the man! Every place he touched screamed out in pain! And it felt like he was using all his might when pressing those areas. By the time he was finished with me, my whole body was wracked in pain and stiffness, I could barely walk out of the office at the end of my appointment.

"I think you have a little bit of Fybromyalgia" he says.

A LITTLE BIT?! I'd hate to have a lotta bit if that's a little bit! WOW!

I actually argued that one with him because I didn't really feel pain when I was having problems. But I sure was after he touched those trigger points, though!

Apparently I have developed a high tolerance for fibromyalgia pain, or else the rare ability to just ignore it, because I'm the worst chronic complainer in the world, and the one thing I never complain about is muscle pain. I'll complain of a headache or a toothache, or when I broke my toe, I complained about that. But I had been living with fibromyalgia for so long that apparently was so used to the pain that I ignored it rather than feeling it.

Since my diagnosis, I've paid more attention to my body, and guess what? The Doctor was right, it really does hurt! BUT, the good news is that I still have the ability to turn that pain "off" in my head and ignore it. Now if only I could do that with all of my other symptoms, I'd really be on to something!